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Have you ever watched someone die? I am: my own mother. I could include my father but I haven't seen him since one time around October. But imagine being present every day around someone who you feel is internally slowing down. That's really all of us since we're all born to die. However, that feeling of death is never really present since we never are aware of our mortalities, until the last possible second. Yet this is different. It's like being purposefully fatalistic. That's how it feels. Not myself, but my mom. I observe her lying either on the couch or her room, simply watching the TV or resting. It's not a peaceful rest either, but one induced by tremendous social pressures. The pressures of her father having passed away a little over a year ago, then followed up with my father's severe stroke. Then there's the other factors that seemingly should be unnecessary. There's no support, no comfort. My words are never comforting because they are an edge of reality. So she's isolated. I can't get through to her. She's become completely anti-social except for instances where it's necessary to interact with people, such as at work or at the store. Anything besides those necessary points and she reverts back into hermitism. If my friends come over she hides. She's always been like that but the situation is more poignant than ever. The sad part is that I know for a fact that her thinking has been dilluted by the poisons of her enclosed world. Rather than escaping that sickness, she feels comfort in it. TV is of no help since TV only reinforces and aggrandizes those negative sensations. So she's trapped. As her son, I could do nothing. Every ploy I try is futile. Each day her will breaks a little more. If she tells me otherwise, I know differently. You don't ever need to hear from a person's mouth how they truly feel. I sense it. I sense the denial; the attempt to deny reality and lock oneself in a miniscule world. But that world dies because it's self consuming. Only something false can restore this like a material element (the lottery). Still I know there's no relevance in that. And from this I am forced to watch without recourse.