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everyone who knows me realizes that i'm somewhat anti-social, sometimes in a very literal sense.  what people probably don't also realize is that i have an occasional social phobia.

what that means is that i tend to just want to be alone.

i go through these moods where i want to be in complete isolation.  it's funny because some days i want all the attention in the world.  that's a syndrome stemming from me being an only child (brat).  but other days, i want to be left alone.

for instance, when i come back from a trip, i feel odd where i feel the need to be away from people. i don't really know what causes that.  i imagine it's what feeling like a celebrity is like.  the mornings for me are always like that where i hate being around people.  maybe the traffic, the crowds, the elevator or something puts me into a foul mood.  then i feel paranoid and into my own little world once i step into the office.

i'm not always like this.  some people are surprised to find that i'm somewhat shy because i'm so talkative.  but i guess part of that is that i have to adjust.  i need to feel environmentally comfortable as well as comfortable with the people i'm with.  it's really odd.  i wish i knew how to deal with this problem.