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Read how in an upcoming WikiLeaks production, supposedly there will be a revealing of UFOs from various sources that had been gathered.  I think it was either Digg or Reddit where I saw some funny post about how Armageddon is coming or that the human race is being used to feed the aliens eventually.  Both conspiracy theories got me thinking a bit.

Occasionally, I thought that it was a possibility that people are being overfed to potentially feed some Illuminati/cult/alien whatever you have it species.  Kinda like that old TV show V.  But if you look at where the obesity has occurred, it's primarily in America and mostly associated with the fast food and chain restaurants industries.  Sure, other countries have experienced some of this.  For instance, in Japan, the government has taken measures to attempt to prevent obesity through tough laws aimed at forcing businesses to be the ones responsibility for the waistlines of their employees.  Apparently, this scare was linked to the insurgence of fast food, especially things like the MegaMac from McDonalds.  But truth be known, in Japan there aren't that many obese people and I sincerely doubt that anything outside of laziness and quarterly revenues has driven obesity in Japan (if it does occur).

So then you look at America.  Are Americans so special that we are the destined people to be fed as tasty sheep to these aliens?  No, only our conceit would make us so self-centered to think this way.  Again, the real problem with obesity in America as a conspiracy only has resulted from a few factors.  Namely, laziness, the lack of diversity on menus, corporate greed, the lack of responsibility by the FDA, greedy farmers and also overabundance that probably stemmed from the dot com days.

In truth, imo, if aliens existed here on earth and were fattening people up, wouldn't you think that there'd be a lot of human skeletons lying around?  Let's be practical on this one. I'd imagine that graveyards would have huge holes being dug up all over the place.  Not to mention if the fat fuck died of something like diabetes, the families would have some stuffy funeral that would dress the guy all up for burial.  Why not get the guy fresh and port him into a UFO?  So just right there, you would think there'd be a whole lot more disappearances in this situation.

Then I loved the comment about Armageddon.  I think the sentiment here is that people want some sort of radical change and are looking for SOMETHING to make their dreary lives less miserable.  I seriously doubt people want Armageddon, at least the reality of a true Armageddon.  But I think it's more fantasy talking than what will happen on 12/12/2012.  Kinda like Y2K.

Using some reason, let's debunk this notion of a specific 12/12/2012 date.  First of all, what the hell makes a date like that so special?  Just because some ancient group probably lost count or something?  Maybe they were bad at math after all.  Also, numerically, what's so special about that date except that it has three 12's in its appearance?  What happens when the date turns out to be 12/13/2012 at 12:01 am?  To me, there's nothing physically logical about that date.

However, what is logical to me is that the date is approaching.  If the date was say 6/3/4333, would anyone really care so much?  No, because it's way too far off into the future to be of any practical use.  However, because it's one of those coincidental numbers that are lining up in the near future, as people, we want to again convert something irrelevant into something relevant so that we work ourselves up over nothing.

If something "special" does occur on that day, it won't be as a result of any natural catastrophe or aliens suddenly appearing.  The only thing "special" that might occur would be caused by something artificial.  In other words, some nut(s) trying to justify that the end of the world is near.  Hopefully, those nuts are just some small fanatical group whose only impact range in the middle of nowhere.

So why wouldn't aliens pick that date?  Why not pick a date far closer in the future?  Why not pop up next week?  If I were some space beings, I'd really like to fuck with people on earth to show them how stupid they are.  Show up a few days late of 12/12/2012 and laugh in people's faces for believing in prophecies too literally.  Seriously, why pick an arbitrary date like that and then tell people?  Are they expecting stupid people like us to suddenly decode the date into their system of symbolic meaning?  Give me a break. 

But if Armageddon were to occur, meaning that the aliens did decide to show up, I think it'll be interesting to explore my fantasy viewpoint.  My wish is that the aliens will show up on my door step and tell me:

Keith, you're the chosen one.  You really are Jesus reborn.  Sorry for putting you through all that misery your life as an outcast. But you had to see for yourself if the human species was worth saving on a whole.  We gave you a limited number of powers such as the ability to curse people rather than heal people this time around just so you would occasionally have a glimpse at your true being and not totally give up on your own life.  You see, if we decided to give you the god-like powers that everyone expects from you, then things wouldn't be as interesting for us nor yourself.

However, we had to absolutely keep your ego in check.  Sorry for all the bitch slappings in your life.  But you had to be humble and "average".  Well, maybe slightly above average, but you had to at least perceive yourself as an average Joe.  Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to properly judge people when the time is right.

At this point, I'm utterly confused, although on occasion I kinda had some inkling that I was "the chosen one." (see my humility? all the lower case letters?)  My reply would go as such:

Um, why would I have to judge anything?  Why would I judge anything?  Why did you want me to judge anything?

At which they would answer:

Well, when evolution occurs in the universe, we need to see if they can be allowed to progress onward as a species.  After all, we don't want too much pollution going around, right?  So we decided to set up check points at various intervals in your primitive society's history. 

I would interrupt:

2012 is a real lame date. It's not even a mathematically meaningful number in any way!

They continued:

Our bad.  Had to make it look arbitrary.  If everything looked pretty, then life wouldn't seem so coincidental, now would it? (I nod)  But let's continue.  So here's the story.  We didn't plant you on this planet a la that stupid Biblical Adam and Eve garden crap.  No, you really did evolve from tadpoles so chalk one up to your evolutionary biologists.  Naturally, like yourselves, we are very curious about maturing worlds.  Not every world just springs up.  There are indeed laws of physics, chemistry and whatnot that bind us.  On a side note, you guys just discovered a tiny fraction.  Anyways, moving along, we became interested once a level of sentience formulated on this planet.  So we came around, gave a few instructions, your people misconstrued things, created some nice artwork by the way.  But for centuries we monitored you.

Now, here's where people like yourself come into play.  Every few decades, we choose an individual and add a few "features" to him or her.  Rather than having us assimilate with your culture, we can then be directly linked.  These people sometimes helped guide your society in one direction or another.  Occasionally, we gave them too much power and they got out of control.

I question:

Hitler?

Them:

Nah, he was just a nut followed by another group of nuts.  No, I'm talking about prophets.  Real prophets.  The ones that predicted the future and wrote about the future.  They had similar powers like your own.  Notice how when you write something, it comes true?  Or when you speak and a person appears out of nowhere.  This is no coincidence, Keith.

At this point, I'm truly intrigued.

Hold on.  Are you saying I can see the future?  Or are you planting these ideas into my head?

They shake their heads.

Neither.  You're writing about the future.  You're writing about the world based on your exposure to the world around you.  A slight nudge from us and the world shifts in a different direction.

I'm appalled.

That means then that this is more like a complex ping pong effect.  Why would you do that when my vision of a world is so bleak at times?

Them:

Because what you're writing about is affected not just by us, but by how the values of people around you end up.  We just occasionally step in.  But people in the end have free will and make decisions.  Your writing is merely just a taste of the inevitable.  Did Nostradamus know exactly the details of how things would come?  Did he have the absolute date or names?  No, his intuition told him of something that could happen down the line based on how people treated each other.

Me:

Well, this is pretty fucked up.  Why not just try to make lives better in general?  Why go through this elaborate scheme that seems to be more of a puppet dance?

Them:

Despite what humans think about a "God", we like to think of ourselves more in terms of "laisse-faire." 

Me:

Still, that makes no sense of even bothering to interfere.  Why do things to correct what's in my script?  Or how does that make it prophetic?

Them:

It's more for your sake.  We wanted to give you a slight hint of yourself.

Me:

Then what about a case like Nostradamus?  Was he being set up the same way?

Them:

No, each case is different depending on how we evaluate that crux in your history.  Sometimes a person might appear as a great spiritual leader like Jesus.  Nostradamus was shown some TV images late at night.  In your case, you had to be the Joe Average because we needed someone with as an impartial view as possible.

Me:

For the purpose of making a so-called judgment?

Them:

Yes.

Me:

So in essence, my life was messed up and sucky because you needed someone to blend in.

Them:

If that's the way you want to think of it, yes.

Me:

Okay, so we got a lot of the basics out of the way.  However, one major thing bothering me is this whole laisse faire thing you're into along with having this thing about monitoring this world.  Why not just correct us from the beginning and tell us how to think properly?

Them:

Fair question.  First, micromanaging, as you well know, is a terrible thing.  We believe that for things to evolve they must be able to act freely.  In your biologists' terms, they would call this "biodiversity."  However, some types of biodiversity can prove to be a hazard. So we do want to ensure to a degree that your species is not a complete hazard to the universe.

Second, we're plain lazy.  We're not omnipotent as some of your religious leaders like to believe.  We have limited resources just like the rest of the universe.  Those resources include actual numbers of our beings that are capable of micromanaging a whole planet.  Takes a lot of effort considering you're up to what, now, almost 7 billion people?  However, if a potential universal hazard is detected, we have the ability to call in the proverbial reinforcements.

Me:

So is that the proverbial Judgment Day?

Them:

Sure, why not?

Me:

I guess the next major question in all of this is when is that going to be?

Them:

I think that's an answer that only you can provide.

Me:

Holy shit.  So what did the other guys say?

Them:

As it's well documented, Jesus, did, indeed die for your, I'm truly sorry, for mankind's sins.

Me:

To sum up for the notoriously bad people out there who can't read between the lines, he gave people a second chance.

Them:

Right.

Me:

That's a lot of pressure and responsibility though.

Them:

According to one of your prescient statements to your friends, you said it yourself that if you had that power, you'd be pressing a red button.

Me:

Honestly, I truly never would've believed myself as a prophet all things considered.  I mean, come on.  You guys never gave me Norika Fujiwara, Reina Miyauchi or some other girls I really, really begged and yes prayed for.

Them:

God helps those that help themselves.

Me:

That is a lame statement.

Them:

We gave you other things that you requested.

Me:

Not the really big items though.

Them:

Then you would've suspected even more.  Besides, what fun is it for us if you got to cheat a bit?  Sorry about all that.  But let's go back in time a bit.  Remember Kevin from Monster.com?  Remember how you asked for the "hard way?"  You got it, didn't you?

Me:

And I regret every second of the past 10 years.

Them:

But have you stopped to think why you requested that?  It's because of your real virtues.  Some people began to suspect you of those virtues.  Like Kaori.  Or Cyndi.  Do you think a lesser person would have been given your responsibility or making a judgment for an entire planet?

Me:

Thanks for the compliment but no thanks for the pain.  Okay, so I guess I get to judge.  I would like to say that a decision at this point in time is better than any.  But I was wondering if others were given the option to defer their judgment?

Them:

Your judgment is what you make of it.

Me:

Maybe pushing the red button was a little harsh and probably induced by another late night artery burger run at Carl's Jr.

Them:

So you would like to integrate back into your species at this stage?

Me:

No.  I want my consolation prize.  I'm a very base individual.

Them:

(Laughing)  That's why we chose you.  Just to inform you, we aren't exactly mind readers.  So you'll have to spell it out to us.

Me:

(Smiling) I want my real paradise.  The 100 women or so for my harem in my little text file on my laptop.  And the 500 people I get to choose on this earth.  Can you bring back my dad too?

Them:

He never died.  And yes, you were correct about your mom being a drone sent by us.  Good intuition you have.  But they're living safely on the spacecraft we've prepared for you. 

Me:

Noah's Ark?

Them:

Or Keith's Space Craft.  I think you're better at branding these things than us.

Me:

Can you unage anyone I choose or bring back those that I want?

Them:

Certainly.  Just put them on the list.

Me:

And this Ark....I mean space craft, how big is it?

Them:

Quite large actually.  Enough for a small town.

Me:

Wow.  So my house can go along?

Them:

Yes Charlie, but you won't get a chocolate factory.

Me:

And about the sex thing?

Them:

Oh.  We have a special room for that.

Me:

Well, then let's start rescuing those people.

Them:

So you don't want to judge ever?

Me:

I'd like to see what the next 100 years produces.  I haven't watched TV in a very long time.  Should be entertaining.

Them:

Let's go then.

Afterward our conversation, we spent the next few weeks flying around the world to "rescue" around 600 people I named on a list.  The list compromised of mostly a biased view of women I wanted to have sex with.  However, the remaining 500 were people who treated me well or I felt had done something meaningful with their lives that deserved to be on the "ark".  Sometimes, it was with people I had been wanting to hold a conversation with.  Other times, it was for some entertainment purpose (wanted my own pro-wrestling fed).  The ship was great because of the sheer size.  But most days were simply big backyard style party BBQs.  We took some resources from the earth to continue progressing ourselves as a species.  However, we continued to monitor the earth, mostly for entertainment purposes.  Occasionally, we'd visit but nothing changed much.  At least, we had an eternal blast.